At just over 10,000 words, Mother’s Lessons teaches us what not to do in a work of short erotic fiction.

What Drew Me In

When I came across A. A. Clein’s Mother’s Lessons, I was intrigued by the premise. The book description reads,

In Gene’s family, it is the mother’s duty to initiate her son into the world of sexual pleasure. She will have to teach him the subtle art of bringing a woman to extasy and, in the process, attempt to impregnate her with his child. As long as he could remember, Gene has been looking forward to the day that his own mother would make him into a man. That day has finally arrived.

As you can imagine, I was expecting to follow Gene on his journey into said world of sexual pleasure, and learn with him, as his mother teaches him the subtle art of bringing a woman to exstasy ecstasy.

At nearly 11,000 words, I was excited at the prospect of a lengthier sexual journey than what many erotic short stories afford. Based on the book’s description and the length, I expected a solid four or five chapters of incestuous maternal instruction.

But that’s not what I got.

* The remainder of the review contains spoilers.

Setting the Scene

Imagine that you’ve had a long day of (insert your profession here); and on the way home from work, you stopped off at the local video store. You sneak into the special area in the back, reserved for adults only.

You find something especially naughty; a one-hour indie film, which purports to follow a young man on his journey into adulthood; a journey his devoted mother will take him on.

You get home, close the curtains, settle in with a glass of your favorite adult beverage, and pop your incest flick into the player.

Act I

It’s a family affair. Ooh! Off to a good start.

Father and younger brother are setting off to mend a fence while mother is left to teach her eldest son the ways of pleasuring a woman.

It’s off to the bedroom for some foreplay, right?

Wrong.

It’s a scene change. Father, and the younger son, whom we’re told is 18 years of age, yet speaks suspiciously like a prepubescent boy, are riding off to mend the fence.

That’s right; Act I is fence-mending.

You stick it out, and we’re on to…

Act II

Great! This is what we came for!

Mother and son, whom we’re told on multiple occasions, is a teenager (so if his brother is 18, he must be 19; although he too, thinks and acts suspiciously like a 15 or 16 year old at the most), are alone in the parental bedchamber.

Mother’s first lesson? Missionary-style intercourse.

Ok. We can work with that. Surely, things are about to get naughty, right?

Wrong.

Scene Change. Dad and younger brother, whom I can only assume has some sort of learning disability due to his infantile vocabulary and his basic lack of knowledge of how babies are made (strange, considering he grew up on a farm), are still out mending that fence. Granted, they’re talking about the facts of life; but it’s a mood-killer nevertheless.

We stick it out, hoping for more dirty, filthy mother-son incest. We make it to…

Act III

Mother is taking her son to the shower. It’s going to be crazy, right? Maybe some anal? A little golden shower or perhaps some fellatio?

No. Just more missionary, but this time they’re standing up.

That’s ok! It’s about to get real; right?

Wrong.

Scene Change. Dad and younger brother, whom we’re assured is really, truly 18, yet somehow thinks blowjobs make babies, are still out mending that fence, while dad recounts some of his own incesty experiences as a young adult. Great.

But we stick it out, and we’re onto…

Act IV

We’re back in the bedroom. Lovely; although at this point, my ladyboner is dead and I’m more than a little irritated that we have to start the arousal process all over again.

We wrap things up with some lackluster oral sex. The end. I can stick the DVD back in the case, right?

Wrong.

Scene Change. Dad and son are back home, and dad’s super horny after talking about that time he and his brother banged aunt Tiffany, and pushes his eldest son out of the way for some good ol’ fashion missionary – which we blessedly did not have to see.

Sigh.

What I Liked About It

The scenes with Gene and his mother are ok. They’re not great. Acutally… they’re a little weird.

What Could Have Been Better

We’re told before the book begins that Gene and his younger brother are definitely, one hundred percent, at least 18 years old. Yet, we’re reminded over and over again that Gene has a “teenage cock”. He even relishes the fact that he’s banging mummy with his “teenage cock”. Example:

He looked down and realized he was stroking his teenage cock.

He also refers to what feels like gallons of his ejaculate, as incestuous sperm, on multiple occasions.

This was clearly added for the readers enjoyment, but serves only to pull you out of the story; or at least, that’s what it did to me.

On top of the strange, repetitive, and out-of-place adjectives, the way Gene’s mother talks to her son, is markedly un-erotic. *Un-erotic might not be a word, but it was necessary.

You read erotica for the same reason you watch porn. If you’re going to read or watch something dirty, you want it really filthy. Despite Gene’s mother telling him how good he makes her feel, the way she speaks to him makes the sentiment seem a little insincere.

It sounded like she was just humoring the poor kid. She’s certainly not the lusty slut we would hope our mom would be, would she promise to teach us the ways of the sexual world.

What I Really Didn’t Like

These boys were clearly written as being young teenagers. I don’t care what it says in the preface. They are too ignorant of the ways of the world, and speak too childishly to be 18 and 19 years old.

I have an amazing imagination, and despite my best efforts to imagine them as young adults, it was next to impossible to picture them as anything less than prepubescent boys, based on the dialogue.

I was also exposed to one too many descriptions of Gene and his brother yanking each other’s wanks when they were much younger, and definitely not 18 and 19.

I can give you a pass on describing childhood sexual exploration, if it’s done tastefully, and is necessary to illustrate something in the larger story or plot.

But in this case, it was done to get the reader’s bits tingling at the thought of two young brother’s masturbating each other, which no one but a pedophile should want to read.

Anastasia’s Parlor Rating

Rating: 1 out of 5.

I give A. A. Clein’s Mother’s Lessons one star. I was going to give it two stars, because it’s not difficult to read, not terribly written, and at least part of the story delivers on the mother-son incest the reader is promised.

But the scenes with the dad and the other son are a huge boner-killer; which defeats the purpose of reading an erotic short story, and ultimately rendered the mother-son scenes a chore.

And while I can suspend disbelief and accept that Gene and his younger brother might be 18 or older, there were too many descriptions of them performing sex acts on each other when they were children.

If your head got messed up as a child and you’re into that; keep that shit to yourself.

We don’t give pedophiles spank material. We give them a bullet.

A. A. Clein’s other works can be found here.

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